I don't like to gripe much (every one knows that), but sometimes I feel robbed when I sit down and watch a movie that is so awful, I feel like I've lost two hours of my life that I will never get back. These are three of the worst movies I can think of. I'm sure there is more, but these are the ones that I can think of that have no artistic value, horrible acting, a stupid story line, and just plain pointless. These are the ones that I remember being more grumpy at the end of the movie than when it started.
The first one is Van Helsing. Looks like it could be a winner, I mean it's got Hugh Jackman and it's action movie about killing vampires. When you watch the special effects, it's hard to believe that it wasn't made in the 70's. The special effects are that bad. The comic relief wasn't much accept a priest who wasn't funny.
The "Wicker Man" inspired me to write this list last night as I was watching it. What's the point of the opening scene, other than it keeps playing over as a nightmare in the lead characters head? If you haven't seen this movie, it's about a cop who gets a letter from his ex girlfriend asking for help finding her missing child (which is of course his). Anyway, he goes to a island that is a pagan female worshipping society where he ultimately meets his doom as a sacrifice to mother earth. It's bad enough we are watching this poor guy look in vain for his daughter only to be betrayed by everyone and burned alive (after getting a basket of bees on put on his face, followed by a both his legs being broken by a club). I'm sorry if I spoiled it for anyone, but this movie really sucks.
This was the last movie that I actually walked out of the theater because it was so bad. I later tried to watch it on video (I was hoping I might have missed something the first time)when I was working a overnight shift at work and I still couldn't finish it. This came out right around the time of "Batman and Robin" so I decided to boycott Uma Thruman movies for a while. It was pretty disturbing to watch Sean Connery in a kelt, but then to watch him go off on his diabolical plan to destroy the weather (why would he want to do that anyway?) just made me want to hurl. It's too bad because I really liked Sean Connery at one time, but to watch this and "The League of extraordinary Gentlemen" I really have to cast doubt. Anyway, the hero's in this awful movie are based on an old TV show, but these ones tend to be far more annoying the way they drive 100 mph while being chased by bad guys and sipping their hot tea.