Sunday, March 11, 2007

Worst movies ever

I don't like to gripe much (every one knows that), but sometimes I feel robbed when I sit down and watch a movie that is so awful, I feel like I've lost two hours of my life that I will never get back. These are three of the worst movies I can think of. I'm sure there is more, but these are the ones that I can think of that have no artistic value, horrible acting, a stupid story line, and just plain pointless. These are the ones that I remember being more grumpy at the end of the movie than when it started.

The first one is Van Helsing. Looks like it could be a winner, I mean it's got Hugh Jackman and it's action movie about killing vampires. When you watch the special effects, it's hard to believe that it wasn't made in the 70's. The special effects are that bad. The comic relief wasn't much accept a priest who wasn't funny.

The "Wicker Man" inspired me to write this list last night as I was watching it. What's the point of the opening scene, other than it keeps playing over as a nightmare in the lead characters head? If you haven't seen this movie, it's about a cop who gets a letter from his ex girlfriend asking for help finding her missing child (which is of course his). Anyway, he goes to a island that is a pagan female worshipping society where he ultimately meets his doom as a sacrifice to mother earth. It's bad enough we are watching this poor guy look in vain for his daughter only to be betrayed by everyone and burned alive (after getting a basket of bees on put on his face, followed by a both his legs being broken by a club). I'm sorry if I spoiled it for anyone, but this movie really sucks.

This was the last movie that I actually walked out of the theater because it was so bad. I later tried to watch it on video (I was hoping I might have missed something the first time)when I was working a overnight shift at work and I still couldn't finish it. This came out right around the time of "Batman and Robin" so I decided to boycott Uma Thruman movies for a while. It was pretty disturbing to watch Sean Connery in a kelt, but then to watch him go off on his diabolical plan to destroy the weather (why would he want to do that anyway?) just made me want to hurl. It's too bad because I really liked Sean Connery at one time, but to watch this and "The League of extraordinary Gentlemen" I really have to cast doubt. Anyway, the hero's in this awful movie are based on an old TV show, but these ones tend to be far more annoying the way they drive 100 mph while being chased by bad guys and sipping their hot tea.


shakedust said...

This is hilarious, because all of those movies had some endearing qualities to me.

I expected Van Helsing to be campy, so when it was I wasn't disappointed.

The opening scene in The Wicker Man was pointless. I liked the perspective of a society structured around bees, though (the men were drones, the leader was a queen bee of sorts, etc). I have heard a lot of people dis this one, though.

The Avengers didn't bug me because I was in the mood for a brainless flick when I originally saw that one. I might think differently about it today.

If you have more, keep them coming. :)

Achtung BB said...

I saw the connection between the bees and the way the socieety was. I didn't like the way they killed him. I thought it was a little unnecessary to cover him in bees, have him go into shock, then bring him back only to break legs and burn him alive.

GoldenSunrise said...

I was ok with Van Helsing. I didn't watch Wicker Man--not my style of movie. I think i thought the Avengers was kinda boring.

Roaming Writer said...

Funny, I haven't seen these but I've seen some badies. I've only walked out of one movie, the Halle Berry one that one an Oscar...was it Monsters Ball or something? Wayyy to much sex going on I was losing the story line which was mostly violent.

We watched Havana Nights Dirty dancing II recently. I thought it was pathetic. I woke up the next morning thinking, Oh God, don't let my writing be that bad.